June 29, 2008

for you rob

I wrote this poem for my brother...its definitely sad.  

there was never anyone i was so thankful for, and yet showed it to so little, looking back. maybe the point of poems like this is to learn that reality without having to lose those ones who you think must know your love...who you think will always be there. 


when i think of you
i always hope that
you werent alone
out there

that He held your head
on His lap
and stroked your face
because you were the most beautiful thing
out there
in that ocean
so far
from us

i hope it wasnt lonely for you
just before he kept you
and sent your body back to shore
for us

and i wish i missed you
with a pure love's indolence
towards second thoughts

you were pure like that
not me

you know, i never cried
before you left
not like that.
no breath
managing to convulse my soul
in great heaves which wrung it dry
till tears were no more
like you 
to us

i didnt go to the beach that morning
i didnt want to see
your amazing eyes
open to the cold
too far gone

remember that time
you dreamed that i was the one who died
and you cried right in front of me
and said you were sorry
and i stared at you
because i didnt know what it all meant

i wonder if you could forgive me
for not knowing how to love you
except with the noose
in my throat
clenching its fist
with nothing to pound 
but out

standing six feet about you
and not being able
to touch your face

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