well kids, it looks like i really will be going back to chico next semester. i had so much faith in the possibility of moving away for good that i threw away everything i didnt need/could buy again/wasnt that cool anyway and made every item i own fit into the back of my pickup (it still ended up dribbling into the cab, but what's a girl to do?)
i have officially attempted every possible escape from the Vanilla city and find myself still standing at the same amount of brick wall that i first began clawing at. the pile of dust soiling my shoes may not seem like worthy fruit for such efforts, ah, but in it the resignation lies. when one has done all that can be done, there is merely left the arranging of one's hair and the settling down of nerves to await what cannot be held back from arriving. maybe it would even be called "rest."
in Him it surely is.
thats why we have our coffee every morning, our wine at night: to herald in regal glory the coy faithfulness of a world spinning out of our control, carrying us on it's back, rising and falling heedless to our wishes. rising and falling careful towards His.
please pass the sugar,
my how nice the scenery is.
He must be taking us somewhere fine.
denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance:
now that the 5 stages are done, lets move on, shalst we.