Let's have some more prints!

you got it.

Fellowship

linocut relief print

Philippians 4

linocut relief print

Flight of the Tricycles

linocut relief print

Isles and Inlets

Apparently the tide came in like crazy yesterday.  I have to admit, I was not excited about what I saw as I got out of my truck at the beach to survey my running terrain.  The saltwater had worked greedy fingers through every level part of the wide shore, leaving confused water trails very far from the wind blown, raging ocean with no promise of return.  The pools of water marooned on the mushy sand as far back as the dunes meant running on the beach was going to feel like running through a world made of porridge.

While I tried to find a shred of willingness within me to run on such slumpy footing, my mind wandered to God's history with the world and floods.  How He promised to never destroy the earth by deluge ever again.  How He promises us He's got the ocean handled and we don't have to worry about it overflowing onto the whole oxygen breathing world's living space.   What once overtook, is now bound in and reigned by His decree and this fact is very comforting.  If anyone asked us, we would say that we truly believe the promise, that the water will not go past His decree.  And for most of the year that decree is nicely placed in a predictable part of beach with no sign of changing.  But when the water comes where we didn't expect it and wretchedly alters the path we walk, did it disobey or did He decree it?

Has God lied about setting bounds for the ocean and screwed up my workout and  made me waste a bunch of time and gas?  I'm terribly willing to take this personal, God, I hope you know that.

O, how emotional and incriminating we are towards our caring God.

We have two options as Christ-followers and we must decide, trial by trial, which one we believe.  Either God decreed this inconvenient and seemingly random change in the landscape, or the elements of the world are more powerful than Him and were able burst His established boundary.  If the sea was able to break His bounds, then He really isn't in control and thus really isn't God like He says He is, and we might as well throw in the faith-towel now because He lied about the whole thing.

But if God did decree this temporary touch of water to land (I'm gonna go with this option), then the question becomes one of motive:  Is He is out to get us with this newfound struggle that feels so out of control, or out to prove us?  Is He out to take us down or to strengthen our resolve?

Judging from a million verses in the Bible, I have to assume that He is out to better us and our faith.  All us Christians nod our head and mentally assent that God always "works all things out for good."  That is, until we forget that fact in the throes of any type of pain and confusion and start thinking in our deep souls that God is up to no good with us.  We habitually and zealously resist struggle of any kind and heartily fear it, mostly because it's scary and we don't truly see the same value in it that God does.  "There must be a different option than the cross offered to us," we imploringly chant in haunted tone, while the truth that we know and fear and say we believe meets our escapist call in a strong and rhythmic response.  "Faith cannot grow except for faith strengthening challenges," it sings back to us.  "How does a muscle increase without being torn and taxed?"

This concept of living perpetually in God given learning experiences can still be wonderfully depressing and comfortless because we're still standing at the beach with our running clothes on and a sinking feeling in out stomach.  We're still focused on how awful it will feel to travel the road ahead and without setting foot on it, we've already decided we don't like it.

"But I drove all the way out here and wasted all this expensive gas and I made a mistake in coming here, I'm sure of it," I whine.  Because it won't be easy I am now free to automatically assume that a mistake somewhere along the line has occurred.  But I know what He would say if I turned my offended, childish complaint to Him.   How neither one of us, the beach and I, have made mistakes by coming here: both have come by loving decree.  And how a difficult life or path does not equal an unloved-by-God life or path.

LOVE!  That's what I've forgotten about.  Love that lasts past my temper tantrums and disbelief.  Love that has vowed to do what is best in and all around us, no matter what it feels like in the daily minutiae. This is the crux of all struggle because not only has God  promised to keep the ocean at a distance from us, He's also passionately promised that someday, in the end, we will be finished and refined.  We will become different than we are now, down to the very fiber of our blood bought souls.

This body of water that's supposed to be so "Pacific" has managed to refashioned it's environs into a completely different world.  But that doesn't change the fact that God has got the ocean handled. The world has not gone down in another flood.  I'm still standing on dry land breathing oxygen.  God has still done what He promised.

The ocean has been led a little higher towards us today, that's all.  And I, so that I can become stronger, have been brought to it's shore.  We have more in common than I thought, the ocean and I.  We are at the mercy of a sublimely wise and loving will.

When our nicely memorized, carefully coddled world feels more water and more wave than we prefer.  We hate it that we have to pick our way through a landscape made more difficult to traverse by what seems like a sudden mistake on the topography.  Why is this water here?  It's never been here except for today when I decided to drive a half hour to take a run on this beach!  Why is this struggle here?  I thought things would be one way and they are another.   

Sleepy Gopher

Permission to Rest

My Ian is a very eloquent man.  This comes from his ability to think about what he says before he says it (I'm so jealous of that).  Ian has more than once fought away the demons that haunt my mind or the worries that jump on my back with a single concise, truthful sentence.

Last night I was stressing about my health.  My miscreant, illusive physical being who refuses to be pinned down with any help or diagnosis.  I told my Ian the worst part of being so oddly ill is the thought of not only my future being affected by a chronic illness, but his future as well.  This fear comes from what I have seen for many years in my mom who has lived with a debilitating autoimmune disease most of my life.  I'm afraid of watching healthy, vibrant Ian be held back and limited because of being attached by love and marriage to my mysterious struggle.

"Ian, I'm afraid of affecting your life with my struggle."

"Cas," he replied like a mountain my puny muscles were trying to shake, "it's not up to you to decide how God grows my faith."

Wow.  Simple as that.

I sat there encouraged by his heroic heart and free from the fear that I'm going to ruin my husband's life, but convicted as well.

Convicted because it's not up to me how God challenges my faith, either.  Simple as that.

Why do I think I have any sort of control over this life that I, in theory, have handed over to God?  And why do I think that my opinion of the situation matters so much that I'm going to sit there and stew over it until God (you know, GOD, Creator, All powerful and Supreme) bends to my will and changes the circumstance?  Because obviously I know what's best, and I judge this by an omnipotent comfort scale that is always ticking in my head, right?

Ten years ago when my brother died, I realized that I had to lose whatever negative opinion I had towards God about my brother's death or I was not going to mentally survive it.  I had some giving up to do because there wasn't enough space in my being for the god of my feelings and the God of the Universe (which is always how it goes, you know).  I knew that it came down to His absolute right to do whatever he pleased in my life and my brother's.  It had to be, "Yes, God, I accept this situation- not because I want to but because you are God and I am not.  I have already, before I got here, given my life and all it's parts to you who loves me.  These things are non-negotiable and though I am wounded, I refuse to blame you or fight you."

I definitely would not have chosen to grow my faith by losing my brother, but God did.  And somehow He turned surviving into thriving.  Somehow He turns ashes into beauty.  Somehow I have walked forward from that situation better and stronger.  I have no idea how He did it, but if I perfectly understood God, He really wouldn't be any "God" at all and we really wouldn't be talking about faith at all.

If your God is demanding, impersonal and aloof, then the thought of giving up your rights and opinions in order to go along with whatever He wants is insane and scary.  Kinda like marrying someone you don't know (have you ever had a dream that you did that?  Worst nightmare ever).

But if your God is near you, loving you, full of grace, working all things not only for your GOOD but because He knows the wisest thing that needs to happen ("Cas, you're brother must come home though He is young.  It is the wisest, best thing"), then in giving up your rights and opinions to a God like that you will find so much more than what you have given up.

And it's true, because I've tested it and it works.  I'm testing it right now.  And you know what?  Rest truly comes.  Not because I used my mind to figure out the universe and demand an explanation from God so that I can justify the pain in my life, but because in God I don't NEED to figure it all out... I pretty much just need Him.  And that's how the deal goes with Him: when God's children give their lives to Him, God gives to His children the permission to rest.

Psalm 131
The Message Bible

"God, I'm not trying to rule the roost,
I don't want to be king of the mountain.
I haven't meddled where I have no business or fantasized grandiose plans.

I've kept my feet on the ground,
I've cultivated a quiet heart.
Like a baby content in it's mother's arms,
My soul is a baby content.

Wait, Israel, for God.  Wait with hope.
Hope now.
Hope always!"

Dance it out.

I think that instead of JUST having to stop when the school bus in front of us waves it's red-lighted paddle (yes, it is called a 'stop paddle'), it should be compulsory for all motorists to get out of their cars and dance next to their cars for the duration of the stopping period.

Wouldn't that just give everyone a better, more adventure filled day?

And think of all the calories you'd burn and all the fun you would have if you were stuck behind a school bus... inspiring generations of children (and yourself) to not be so uptight and just dance it out :)

Everywhere is Safe

\

For about four months I have been having extremely odd health problems that the two doctors I've seen about it cannot explain.

My primary doctor sent me to a specialist, and, realizing the specialist didn't believe a word I said and was just wasting my time and money (a bad habit doctors have), I am now going back to my primary doctor today with no further answers than when I started.

I've been gearing up for this all week... mostly by harboring a healthy dose of anger towards modern medicine, the situation itself and my abject lack of faith towards a positive outcome.

And yes, at times, some of the anger has gone towards God.

Actually (now that I think about it) in being angry at the situation and the people involved, it turns out ALL of that anger ultimately ends up being funneled towards God.  Scary.

Here is the problem: I go back and forth between believing that everything is from God, allowed by God, and thus God's will and subsequent responsibility, to withdrawing my faith and hope into myself and seeing the whole thing as a mistake.  I am the victim.  God, the only one who can help me, hasn't done a single thing about it for four months while hundreds of dollars go out the window to fund medical tests that tell me nothing about the problem.

"Um, Rabbi... I hate to wake you up, but the boat is sinking and we're gonna die," the disciple said.

In believing myself forsaken, I take all the love out of my relationship with Him (after all, if He cared He would help, right?) and discover that I don't feel so safe in God or around Him anymore.  I then wonder why I'm so angry, tense and lonely in my spirit.

My jaw starts clenching extra hard when I sleep and there is a headache always loitering around the right side of my forehead.

This is a vile land to dwell in.  If I can't (because of my unbelief) feel safe with God and about God, then all hope truly is lost and safety is nowhere except in the shallow escapes that we all know our tendency towards.

BUT (Cas, listen)...  If those thoughts and feelings characterize a state of unbelief, then what about a life of REAL trust in God... what about a life where everywhere and everything is safe?

What if everywhere is safe?

Wretched, chronic disease.
The death of a friend or love.
The greatest fear that has actually happened.
A raging sea in Galilee.
A cross.
The very one He gave Himself to.  It was safe if he went knowing that God His Father had decreed it.  Jesus obeyed His Father rather than insisting on keeping His rights and comfort... and Jesus won.

Here's how every war, internal or otherwise, is ended:
1) utter victory, the literal breaking of the opposing force...
2) or simple surrender.

It's radical, but God recommends the white flag, and He points to Jesus and every other person in love with Him in the Bible as the example of it.  With "I surrender," not only does the war and agony of it cease, but His deep comfort swoops down on our battlefield and bundles us up in invincible peace and hope (which is exactly what we want and exactly what we did not think surrender would bring us).  This applies to every part of our hearts that maintains that tense, sniveling, self-entitled conflict that we know is there between us and God.

But think of the battle's end... where we stand clear headed at last, calm and unclenched, glad to be holding the ensign of submission.   Finally understanding how amazing it is to "just let go," wishing surrender to His authority would have happened sooner.   It isn't about getting my way in the situation anymore.  I know that whether a disease takes me down or He heals me, I will not be ashamed for trusting Him.

In this our struggle has once again proved God right.  Whatever we have "lost" in our surrender doesn't even take up space in our memories anymore.  We are too busy being excited about where He's taking us in His victory parade.

Well, doctors... little do you know and that's alright.

rancho guacamole

gouache on illustration board

thanks to a recommendation from audria, i have had the pleasure of working with a farm in Goleta, Ca. named "rancho guacamole" to create a fruit box label for their fine avos and lemons.

much, much prayer went into this little piece and i'm super stoked about it!

(and if you've never asked God for help with the work or tasks in your life, i highly recommend it.  He really does care about the small things in our world and wants us to talk to Him about them!  i learned this in art school after realizing that all the projects i prayed over came out better than i imagined and got better grades :)

Without Fail

Here's one thing I love:

Fact.
The absolute.
That which is stable, unvarying, fixed.

Why?

Because fixed and faithful and sturdy is exactly what I am NOT and exactly what this world fails to deliver as well.

It was one of the things that God used to make me His: inimitable, absolute truth.  Something, FINALLY, to really trust in and stand on.  A rock my wandering wave-self could crash and be broken on.  Relief from the paralyzing, painted hoax of myself and the world around me.

So for those of us who crave what is certain, God gives us this simple little statement from 1 Corinthians:

Love never fails.

That word "fails", in greek, means "to fall powerless, to fall to the ground, to be without effect."  The definition gives the picture of a withering flower.

I never took a physics class so forgive me for an oversimplification, but the way I understand "energy" in this universe, is that it "never dies."  It just takes on new forms.  The sun feeds the grass, the grass feeds the cow, the cow feeds man, when man dies, he feeds the ground i.e. the grass and it keeps going.

This is a perfect metaphor for love and it NEEDS to encourage us.
And this is how:

Your relative that you have a hard time with who treats you awfully.
The checker at the store who's always in a bad mood.
A rebellious child making destructive decisions.
Your coworkers who think you're crazy for being a Christian.
The unstable ground of any relationship.

They are not above this truth.  They do not have more power than the way God set up his universe.  You cannot stop energy and you cannot stop God's agape love.  It may FEEL like people around you don't listen and don't care and don't respond to the love you give... but keep giving it.  Keep it up defiantly.  "Do not be overcome by evil, " writes Paul the apostle, "but overcome evil with good" (Romans 12:21).

No, the effect of love may not be seen right now.  Sometimes it can be seen immediately, but most of the time love takes years to change us.  God was not intimidated by the years it would take for us to come to Him and we need to have that same patience for others.

Don't ever think you're wasting your life when God has moved His love out and through you.  Because even if that love seems like it's not affecting the crushed and crumbling hearts around you, it will at least be changing yours.  God never works on just one level.

Martin Luther wrote as part of his 95 theses:

"by works of love, love grows and a man becomes a better man."

So take heart, little pilgrim.  You will not- will NOT- fail if love flows out from you. 

You may not see the results you desire, but you will know more of your God's heart than when you started and you will be living a life based on fact that is stronger and older than this universe we live in... a most refreshing state, indeed, no matter what transpires around us.

epic snow

well, i survived my first washington snow storm.  gotta say, it was pretty breathtaking... and near the end, annoying :)

my favorite part was watching the flakes fall: HUGE flakes- like some one was in the cloud pulling apart cotton balls and letting them ride the soft wind currents all the way down. 

[seriously... sun or snow, my husband is just good-lookin' :)]

my portly cat and i did start to get a little cabin-fevery... he usually doesnt sit and look out the window, but the last day we were cooped he sat like this for hours... longing, probably, for snowless ground.  i drew him over my bible study notes with a ball point pen, so forgive the choppiness.  drawing from real life is always a little funny :)

how to be invincible, part 3

don't let anything make you anxious.

instead, pray.

Christ is your only need.

anytime you DONT feel invincible, remember that when you are in Him, you DO have all you need.

this is a new linocut print i made for the new year.  i made it mostly for my own sake from a post it note i had written to myself after reading philippians 4.

i'll have these up in the shop pretty soon if you want one on good paper with fancy archival ink.

BUT  

if you want a free print on regular paper with water based ink (pictured) then just let me know by convo-ing me on etsy and i'll send one out to you :)  it's a small image: 3" by 4".

let's hear it for our amazing, invincible God who IS all we are not!

how to be unstoppable, part 2

"Like anybody, I would like to live a long life.  Longevity has it's place.  But I'm not concerned about that now.  I just want to do God's will.  And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain.  And I've looked over and I've seen the promised land... So I'm happy tonite.  I'm not worried about anything.  I'm not fearing any man."

--"I've Been to the Mountaintop" speech, April 3, 1968 (the day before his assassination)

Happy Birthday to an inspiring man.

how to be unstoppable, part 1

from BLB-

God is God. I dethrone Him in my heart if I demand that He act in ways that satisfy my idea of justice. It is the same spirit that taunted, “If Thou be the Son of God, come down from the Cross.” There is unbelief, there is even rebellion, in the attitude that says, “God has no right to do this to fine men unless…”

Those men had long since given themselves without reservation to do the will of God…

For us widows the question as to why the men who had trusted God to be both shield and defender should be allowed to be speared to death was not one that could be smoothly or finally answered in 1956, nor yet silenced in 1996. God did not answer Job’s questions either. Job was living in a mystery—the mystery of the sovereign purpose of God—and the questions that rose out of the depths of that mystery were answered only by a deeper mystery, that of God Himself.

—Elisabeth Elliot, Through Gates of Splendor (Tyndale, 1981)

good words for the new year

"don't let anything make you anxious.  instead, pray.  Christ is your only need."

(my paraphrase of certain parts of philippians 4 :)

fun with tagboard

newest editions to the shop!  i discovered reproduction paintings printed on heavy tagboard make excellent book covers...

like so:

the Decant journal

the Sylvan journal

the Apples & Oranges journal

a print called "Fellowship" on half a book cover

this year

i know it's not even christmas yet, but while i was cutting up chip board for a bookcover, i realized just how many lovely things have happened this year-


this year i have...

moved two states away
gave up wheat AND dairy due to bodily protest (yes, it can be done :)
lost like 5 pounds because of it
got to know God more
got to know ian and his fam more
had a car stolen
went from renting to thinking about buying (so stoked!!!)
went from baker to full time artist
experienced a miraculous healed relationship with my dad and his wife
slept on a boat for the first time
started my own business (however small ;)
got a hand-me-down drooly, lovey cat
got real health insurance thanks to ian
saw a fledgling bald eagle take its first flight
lost my only two wisdom teeth

overcame my fear of...

cloudy and rainy weather
precision in art (like using razor blades and rulers... refer to first sentence of post)
cities
piano (kinda)
forgiveness
people (ok.  not fully.  i'm getting better though... not all the way there yet...)
failing in art
music
giving up dairy and wheat


what a wonderful, morphing life my wonderful God gives!

leave a comment!  what has happened in this last year that you are super stoked or blessed by!  list as many as you can! :)

new journals and vintage hymnals

busy busy busy time of year!

here's what i've been up too THIS week:

The Groundswell Journal

The Yorker 1830 Journal

Vintage Sunday School Hymn Book

The Othello Journal

The Step Verdantly Journal

stay tuned for a free give away comin' up!  :)

(p.s.... want a tip?  you can get 20% off in my shop all through December by using the code HIPPOPOTAMUS   :)

christmas craft time :)

alright, i admit.  i love nerdy christmas crafts.

behold the mini snowflakes drying from their dip in the polymer bath:

80's stationary and stolen cars

how could you not love this little number:

the top of it reads "wish we could share this day together."

UNOPENED 80's stationary- gotta love it!

Also, our poor honda randomly got stolen last weekend... such an odd thing.  you never think something like that would happen to you (and to an old, ugly honda) and then all of a sudden you get off the foot ferry from a couple hours of looking at museums in the next town over and 

*POOF*

car is gone.  just like that.  broad daylight.

i lived all my life in crime laden California, but had to move up to Washington to get a car stolen.  ay yay yay.

they recovered it on wednesday and the inside was totally thrashed- the entire contents of the glove box strewn everywhere... the dashboard literally imploded on itself from them forcing the stereo out of it... it was vehicular rape.  so sad.

people think the God of the Bible is so harsh when He gives people commands to live by, but if you've ever had anything taken from you and abused, you realize just how LOVING those simple commands are- 

"You shall not steal."

but God uses everything for the good (literally "advantage") of those who love Him and are called to His purpose.  Pretty comforting.  so we didnt fall apart over it.  i love serving a God who is so rock solid when everything around me is hologram and/or hurtful.

new upcycled journals in the shop!

a hybrid watercolor/sketch journal...

a life and laughter watercolor/sketch journal...

a girl who looks kinda stressed out journal...

and a blue zephyr journal.

Nummy.

birds and wee books

eagle (cool, huh?)

honkers 

(practice from pics off the internet)

my mum in law has written a kid's book about geese, so i am working on some illustrations for it.

little signatures for little books

sketches and advice

life is quiet and simple these days, and i quite prefer it :)