LA LA LA LA...

well, my darlings,

i have found someone to rent my room with 2 days to spare :)

my jesus is so good to me....

seriously.

in other news, we have successfully moved all my stuff up to chico this past weekend.  it took two pickup trucks (plus the load i took up before for orientation) and 2 of my good friends who were determined to be my road buddies, and one sweet family who financed the entire thing by God's good grace...sheesh.  there's nothing any one can say at this point to convince me that God isnt in this thing.

we got lost in sacramento because they had a detour on the 5 that was LAME and it wasnt my fault (insert pouting lip here).

and when we pulled over at a gas station to ask directions, i threw a total conniption fit (or "hissy fit" as my southern relatives would say) because it was 90 degrees and we had been driving for 6 hours and i thought we'd never get back to the 5...that we would have to unload all my stuff and make a home on the sidewalk for me because we were never going to get there....

the best part is my friend mo laughed in my face.  

it takes a true friend to laugh in your face when you're in hysterics.  those are my favorite friends...the ones who dont take you as seriously as you take yourself.  

God totally does this for us too (just one more reason i adore Him).  not the laugh in your face part, but he sits there while we are all frantic and says, "now, when you can think straight enough to realize that what you are saying and feeling is absurd, i'll still be here and i wont listen to how you doubt me and accuse me and press your pride up against my glory...LA LA LA LA LA I CANT HEAR YOU!!  LA LA LA...."

"O...you're done then?  good.  i missed you.

now lets get back in the truck and i'll make just as if this never happened."

*sniff* 

yes Lord

i missed you too.

things we dont need anymore

love doesnt need a response, but is a response

a response that carries on anyway

for the other's sake

for its own sake

(dare i believe it?)

because it knows it cannot fail

because it knows it is the greatest thing

and love is what is left

when the child has put away its things

strength is vain.

so i'm dealing with trying to find someone to rent my room before i leave...so that means i need someone to start paying rent for me in 5 days.  which would be a miracle.

which is exactly why this verse, which i dont remember ever having noticed, hit me hard this morning

"no king is saved by the multitude of an army;

a mighty man is not delivered by great strength.

a horse is a vain hope for safety;

neither shall it deliver any by its great strength."   -Psalm 33. 16, 17

this verse presents a really wild thought: more "strength" or "ability" or the "if i can just get this or be more like this or i wish i was stronger in this way" mentality WONT help you.

it wont.

a mighty man is not delivered by great strength.

and anything you can add to that man like a horse, etc, will be of no use to him.

a couple verses down our salvation comes:

"...the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him,

on those who hope in His mercy,

to deliver their soul from death...

our soul waits on the Lord

HE is our help and shield.

For our heart shall rejoice in Him,

because we have trusted in His holy name."

birthday

today, my dear friends, is  my birthday. :D

i'm not the type of person that wakes up happy and raring to go every morning, but for some reason i wake up on my birthdays feeling like a million bucks.

and i think all these years (24 of them...shhhh...dont tell anyone...) God has been trying to tell me something.

this morning i have no problem rolling my burdens from my back to His- no problem at all trusting that this day will be a good one- no problem at all feeling free

i just want to celebrate life and breath and being God's.  simple.

but that's the key word there- celebrate.  to SHOW enjoyment and cause others to feel the same enjoyment around you

and it hit me as i was walking to linneas just now that if his mercy's are new each morning and so are we as new creations...

then why cant i wake up more often content in His love and walking in His graces which are so near i can almost touch them, right this second.

our birthday is everyday to God, because He is making sure of it.  a day of birth: of newness.  innocence.  joy.  dependence on Him.  and us being stoked and at rest because of Him.

the cool part about a real birthday though, is that the people around you do funny things like buy your breakfast and call you just because....

its gonna be a good day :)

honey maid...what do maids have to do with crackers?

ok.

so i totally had graham crackers for dinner tonite.  the question is: cas, what is a hippy like you doing in possession of a box of trash-ball graham crackers.  white flour...."graham flour," whatever that is, is an abomination.

the answer?

to eat them for dinner, of course.  

i am working an overnite shift and the broccoli i brought from my garden to eat for dinner is so bug infested that no amount of water or cooking would make me able to eat it (long live organic gardening).

if you were me, you would be thankful for a trashy box of graham crackers too.

:)

why will the last be first?

i cant say i have an answer to this question, but i was laying in bed thinking about it...after desperately scrawling it out on the white board downstairs...after realizing how little i have kept that concept in mind lately.  

the concept, "what are you fighting for?  you've won.  in Him you have won.  you have nothing of your own to defend."

why will the last be first?

to prove His victory.

to prove in the greatest irony of all time that this war for existence is won by those who have nothing else to fight for.

to prove the meek right as they talk in their God given sleep...that one day they will inherit the earth

to prove that "in returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and confidence shall be your strength' -isaiah 30

it has to be like that.

the last MUST be first.

all the ones insisting they are first know it.  they know how shoddy their footing is.  

and we can see it in each others eyes

as He bends to wash our feet

our feet

hell and high water

i was thinking about my parents on my run the other day (i am training for a half marathon...eep)

both were runners before they met- perhaps the only thing they ever had in common

dad did cross country and mom did track.  i can still remember seeing my dad run on the beach when i was a kid...he kinda looked like an ostrich because of his long legs, but thats beside the point (its kinda funny though :)  

but their experiences were different as runners.  dad ran because he could.  because he was strong.  because it was one more way to repress stress and guilt...his favorite addictions.

but mum ran...i dont know why she ran.  i dont know because she said it hurt her.  there was smog in riverside even back then and she had asthma.  she would run five miles with her lungs burning the whole way and her body cramping, but she would do it anyway.

that crazy woman would run anyway.

and she carried on like that for years until kids and husband came.  and when they came, running took the form of responsibility and surviving.  i watched her survive the gnarliest things

and that crazy woman kept going anyway

not because of her strength but inspite of it  

it was that utter defiance that i was thinking of on my run

is it insanity or principle?

probably both

she probably never thought twice about it.  you run because you need to finish.  there is no other option.

i wish i had half the fight in me that she does

"for all they did cast in of their abundance, but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living." mark 12:44

hannah said it for all of us in 1 sam 2:

"i smile at my enemies

because i rejoice in Your salvation."

california and monterey

do you ever wish

you could talk to the guy

in the volkswagon bus

behind you?